My Experiences With ADHD

First off, I don't see ADHD as a disorder. I believe it is a skill of perception that requires taming. There is a new term which describes this and that is Neurodivergence. I like this word much better as it does not contain the word "disorder", which I feel is a misrepresentation.

I was diagnosed in my adolescents, and stopped taking Ritalin when I was 10. I didn't like how it made me feel, though I don't remember how it made me feel. My mother always nurtured me till the day she died. My father was always very verbally abusive and is still learning that my mind works differently.

I admit, because of the nature of the way my mind works, situations seem a lot worse than they may be for someone else. It's my overthinking or over analytical response that causes me to dwell on things, amplifying my emotional status. I dwell on things, like mistakes or even when people reject me or insult me. I analyze myself and my actions as well as trying to put myself in another's perspective, to try and understand how this event developed.

Though my ADHD may be defined as a disorder, I see it as nothing but a tool that requires training. Like a wild stallion needs to be tamed, I need to tame my own mind. Naturally, not with any type of medications. Medications do nothing but treat the symptom and not the cause. What do you think, is it proper to sedate an animal that requires taming? This seems inhumane and also very dangerous, for when the animal comes out of sedation it may freak out.

Through my struggles I've always had to find different perspectives of things I do not understand, in order to gain understanding. This has taught me about myself, and what angles I need to analyze things from, in order to understand them. My Neurodivergence has created a process of analyzing processes, that has led me to finding that everything has the same functional similarities. This has become my foundation of learning and functioning.

I heavily believe that I was made this way for a reason, I have found a way to utilize this Neurodivergence, and it is how I choose to live my life. However, trying to balance my own perspective with the complications of everyday life beyond the mind of a neurodivergent, I have many worries that pile on top of one another, as well as many passions that pile on top of that. So I procrastinate a lot and to many people I do not prioritize in a sensible manner, though it does make sense to me.

Even the things that I prioritize correctly, to myself, I procrastinate on because I feel like I never have enough time. Which I feel this is a natural occurrence even in those who are not Neurodivergent. My biggest dilemma right now, is that I know the key to taming my Neurodivergent mind is through meditation. However, I cannot find enough stillness in the day or night, while I am connected to regular routines, (having a job, paying bills, eating, etc.).

I just need a little bit of a break so I can build new healthy routines for myself. Getting into a regular practice of meditation every day, as well as doing things like properly brushing my teeth and flossing which I am very lazy about. And let's not forget eating healthy, because this is very important to me. I'd also like to get a little bit of physical fitness into these new routines as well. All of these things I have mentioned are what worries me on a regular basis and what I prioritize or at least try to, above all else even a career path.

If you look at my track record as far as jobs I have had, you will see that I have jumped from one job to another and really have no longevity in my employment history. Except for 5 years that I had my own business and 14 years of labor as mover. But it's easy to be your own boss and it's easy to do simple things like carry furniture and boxes. My mind can be off somewhere else, or I can focus on simple, physical tasks. It's the physical stimulation that grabs my attention.